The Dandy – Complete Comic Story Collection
Desperate Dan Takes Over Cactusville
Morning dust blows straight down Main Street. The wooden sign outside the saloon hangs loose by one nail. A gang of bandits crowds the water trough. The biggest one, Black Bart, kicks it over and lets the water soak into the dirt.
Black Bart laughs. “No law in Cactusville today.”
A shopkeeper hides behind flour sacks. A barber crawls under his own chair. The mayor locks himself inside the jail cell for safety and throws away the key.
Black Bart posts a new sign over the sheriff’s office: BART’S OFFICE. He nails it in crooked and uses the jail door as a table.
Desperate Dan walks into town chewing a cow pie the size of a cartwheel.
Dan stops. Dan squints.
Dan says, “Town looks lively.”
Black Bart grabs Dan’s hat and tosses it into a cactus.
Black Bart says, “New rule. Nobody wears hats but me.”
Dan looks at the cactus. Dan looks at Black Bart.
Dan says, “That cactus owes me an apology.”
Dan pulls the cactus out of the ground to retrieve his hat. The cactus comes out roots and all. The ground leaves a perfect cactus-shaped hole.
Black Bart blinks.
Dan dusts off his hat and plants the cactus back upside down. The cactus still stands straight.
Black Bart signals his gang.
Five bandits jump Dan at once.
Dan yawns.
Dan scratches his chin.
All five bandits freeze midair, tangled in Dan’s suspenders.
Dan says, “Reckon you boys are confused.”
Dan gently untangles his suspenders. The bandits fly across the street and land stacked neatly in a horse trough.
Black Bart pulls out two revolvers.
Black Bart fires.
The bullets flatten against Dan’s chest like peas against a wall. They drop into the dust.
Dan picks one up.
Dan says, “You dropped these.”
Dan flicks the bullets back. They tie Black Bart’s boots together in a perfect knot.
Black Bart falls face-first into the mud.
The mayor peeks out from the jail cell.
The mayor says, “Sheriff Dan, arrest that criminal!”
Dan says, “I ain’t sheriff.”
The mayor says, “You are now!”
Dan looks at the sheriff’s badge pinned to his own chest. Nobody saw him put it on.
Dan shrugs.
Black Bart tries to crawl away. Dan lifts the entire jail building and places it over Black Bart like a hat.
Dan says, “That oughta hold him.”
The mayor claps nervously.
The barber crawls out from under the chair.
The shopkeeper peeks from behind flour sacks.
The water trough is still broken.
Dan sighs.
Dan picks up the well.
Dan pours the well back into the trough.
The trough overflows and fills every bucket in town.
A tumbleweed rolls by.
Dan finishes his cow pie.
The mayor offers Dan the key to the city.
Dan uses it to pick his teeth.
The mayor gulps.
Dan tips his hat.
Dan says, “Town looks peaceful.”
The jail building rattles. Black Bart tries to push it up.
Dan gently presses it back down with one finger.
Silence returns to Main Street.
A new problem begins immediately.
The town bank explodes outward in a shower of splinters. A giant mechanical bull stomps into the street. Steam blasts from its nostrils.
Professor Doomwhistle stands on the balcony, waving a blueprint.
Professor Doomwhistle shouts, “Observe my robbing machine!”
The bull charges straight at Dan.
Dan stares at the bull.
Dan says, “Nice livestock.”
The bull lowers its steel horns.
Dan grabs the horns.
The bull pushes.
The ground cracks.
The saloon slides six inches backward.
Dan yawns again.
Dan twists slightly.
The mechanical bull spins like a top, drilling itself into the ground until only its tail sticks out.
Professor Doomwhistle screams.
Dan reaches up and plucks Professor Doomwhistle off the balcony like a coat on a peg.
Dan drops him gently beside the jail building.
Dan says, “Room’s gettin’ crowded.”
The mayor wipes his brow.
The barber applauds weakly.
The shopkeeper offers Dan free beans for life.
Dan says, “Got any cow pie?”
The shopkeeper faints.
Professor Doomwhistle tries to activate a backup invention. He presses a red button.
The town clock tower sprouts metal legs and begins marching down the street.
Dan watches it walk.
Dan says, “Time sure flies.”
Dan grabs the clock hands and bends them into a bow.
The clock tower collapses politely into a neat pile of bricks.
Professor Doomwhistle bursts into tears.
Dan picks him up by the collar.
Dan carries him and Black Bart—jail building included—to the edge of town.
Dan sets them down facing the desert.
Dan says, “Plenty of room out there.”
Dan dusts his hands.
Dan returns to Main Street.
The mayor tries to make a speech.
The mayor says, “Citizens of Cactusville—”
The ground shakes again.
Dan sighs.
The ground splits open.
A giant mole the size of a locomotive pops up and swallows the mayor’s podium.
The mole growls.
Dan pats the mole.
Dan says, “Easy there.”
The mole calms instantly.
Dan feeds it the remains of the mechanical bull.
The mole curls up like a kitten.
Dan carries the mole outside town and places it beside the criminals.
Dan points at Black Bart and Professor Doomwhistle.
The mole growls at them.
Dan walks back without looking.
The mayor dusts himself off.
The town cheers.
Dan sits on a barrel.
Dan pulls out another cow pie from his pocket.
The mayor asks, “Sheriff Dan, how can we repay you?”
Dan says, “You can start by fixin’ that crooked sign.”
The mayor straightens the saloon sign.
It tilts the other way.
Dan exhales.
Dan flicks the building gently.
The entire street aligns perfectly.
The barber’s chair spins once and stops.
The flour sacks stack themselves.
The well hums softly.
Peace returns.
Dan closes his eyes.
A tiny mosquito buzzes near his ear.
Dan swats lazily.
The resulting gust knocks every hat off every citizen for three blocks.
Dan opens one eye.
Dan says, “Sorry.”
The citizens scramble to retrieve hats.
Dan finishes his meal.
Dan removes the sheriff’s badge and sticks it to the mayor’s chest.
Dan says, “Reckon I’ll wander.”
The mayor tries to protest.
Dan is already walking toward the horizon.
Behind him, Black Bart attempts to tiptoe back into town.
The mole growls louder.
Black Bart freezes.
Professor Doomwhistle tries to sneak in the opposite direction.
The mole nudges him back with one claw.
Dan never turns around.
Dan walks until Cactusville becomes a dot in the desert.
A distant explosion echoes from town.
Dan pauses.
Dan says, “Hope they ain’t touchin’ that clock.”
Dan keeps walking.
The sun lowers.
Dan pulls a portable barn from his backpack.
Dan steps inside.
The barn folds neatly shut behind him.
A wooden sign appears on the door: Back Soon.
Inside the barn, Dan snores.
Outside, the desert wind settles.
Cactusville stands intact.
Black Bart and Professor Doomwhistle sit beside a giant mole under the moonlight.
Black Bart sighs.
Professor Doomwhistle crumples his blueprint.
Cactusville sleeps peacefully.
Dan snores louder than a thunderstorm.
The sheriff’s badge glints in the moonlight on the mayor’s chest.
No bandits move.
No machines march.
The mole watches.
Morning waits.
Dennis the Menace Destroys the School Fete
Saturday morning. The school playground fills with stalls, bunting, and nervous teachers.
Headmaster Mr. Grimsby pins a badge to his jacket that reads School Fete Organiser. The badge immediately falls off.
Mr. Grimsby says, “Order. Discipline. Respect.”
Dennis the Menace grins at the cake stall.
Gnasher sniffs the sausage stand.
Walter the Softy arranges flowers around the “Polite Poetry Recital” table. Walter adjusts his pink bow tie three times.
Walter says, “Everything must be dignified.”
Dennis nudges Gnasher.
Dennis says, “Everything must be interesting.”
Mrs. Creecher sets up the coconut shy. Ten coconuts sit peacefully on a wooden shelf.
Dennis studies them.
Dennis says, “Needs improvement.”
Dennis replaces the coconuts with watermelons. Then pumpkins. Then bowling balls.
Gnasher giggles in dog language.
Mr. Grimsby walks past.
Mr. Grimsby says, “No mischief today, Dennis.”
Dennis smiles angelically.
The mayor of Beanotown arrives to cut the ribbon.
Walter holds the ceremonial scissors.
Walter says, “I shall perform the honour.”
Dennis ties Walter’s shoelaces together while Walter poses.
The mayor begins a speech.
The mayor says, “This fine institution—”
Gnasher spots the sausage machine unattended.
Gnasher pulls the lever.
Sausages fire across the playground like rockets.
One sausage knocks off Mr. Grimsby’s badge again.
One sausage lands neatly in Dennis’s hand.
Dennis takes a bite.
Walter attempts to step forward with the scissors.
Walter falls face-first into the flower display.
Walter’s bow tie spins like a propeller.
Dennis applauds.
The mayor gasps.
Mr. Grimsby shouts, “Control that dog!”
Gnasher accelerates.
The bouncy castle inflates too much. It stretches. It lifts slightly off the ground.
Dennis sees the generator cable.
Dennis unplugs it.
The bouncy castle deflates instantly.
Ten children sink slowly like melting snowmen.
Dennis plugs it back in.
The castle inflates explosively and launches everyone three feet into the air.
Mr. Grimsby grabs Dennis by the shoulders.
Mr. Grimsby says, “You will assist at the coconut shy!”
Dennis salutes.
Dennis replaces the bowling balls with actual coconuts again.
Walter wipes mud off his jacket.
Walter says, “I shall demonstrate accuracy.”
Walter throws.
The coconut stand collapses entirely.
Every coconut rolls downhill into the duck pond.
The ducks quack angrily.
Dennis whistles innocently.
Mrs. Creecher announces the pie-eating contest.
Three long tables display pies: apple, cherry, custard.
Dennis signs up immediately.
Walter signs up reluctantly.
Gnasher signs up without permission.
Mr. Grimsby raises a starting flag.
Mr. Grimsby says, “On your marks—”
Dennis swaps the custard pie in front of Walter with a shaving-foam pie from the drama club.
Mr. Grimsby drops the flag.
Dennis dives face-first into apple pie.
Gnasher inhales an entire cherry pie in one bite.
Walter bites into shaving foam.
Walter screams.
Foam covers Walter’s hair like a snowy mountain.
The crowd laughs.
Mr. Grimsby does not laugh.
Dennis stands victorious with pie dripping from his ears.
Mrs. Creecher hands Dennis a ribbon.
The ribbon tangles in Dennis’s hair.
Dennis spins.
The ribbon flies and wraps around the maypole.
The maypole collapses like a slow-motion tree.
The bunting falls across the headmaster.
Mr. Grimsby emerges wrapped in festive flags.
Walter attempts to restore dignity by beginning his poetry recital.
Walter clears his throat.
Walter says, “O gentle breeze—”
Gnasher chases a sausage under Walter’s table.
The table tips.
Walter flips mid-recital and lands in the dunk tank seat.
Dennis sees the dunk tank lever.
Dennis pulls it.
Walter drops into freezing water.
The crowd cheers louder.
Walter splashes furiously.
Walter says, “This is barbaric!”
Dennis bows dramatically.
The mayor attempts once more to cut the ribbon.
Dennis ties the ribbon across the entrance again.
The mayor snips.
The tension releases.
The ribbon snaps backward like a slingshot.
The mayor’s hat flies into the duck pond.
The ducks migrate instantly.
Mr. Grimsby trembles.
Mr. Grimsby says, “Dennis!”
Dennis points at Gnasher.
Gnasher points at Walter.
Walter points at Dennis.
Silence.
The raffle begins.
First prize: a giant teddy bear.
Dennis swaps the raffle drum tickets with blank paper.
Mr. Grimsby pulls a ticket.
The ticket reads: “Dennis Wins.”
Mr. Grimsby pulls another.
The ticket reads: “Dennis Wins Again.”
Walter gasps.
Walter says, “Fraud!”
Dennis hugs the teddy bear triumphantly.
Gnasher tugs the bear’s ear.
The stitching splits.
Confetti bursts out.
Confetti fills the playground like a snowstorm.
The bouncy castle lifts again from the sudden gust.
Children bounce into the cake stall.
Cakes fly everywhere.
One lands perfectly on Mr. Grimsby’s head.
Dennis freezes.
Everyone stares.
Mr. Grimsby slowly removes the cake.
Mr. Grimsby says nothing.
Mr. Grimsby walks to the dunk tank.
Mr. Grimsby sits.
Mr. Grimsby says, “Dennis. Pull it.”
Dennis blinks.
Dennis pulls the lever.
Mr. Grimsby drops into the water.
The crowd gasps.
Mr. Grimsby emerges smiling.
Mr. Grimsby says, “Best fete we’ve ever had.”
The crowd cheers wildly.
Walter sputters in disbelief.
Dennis grins.
Gnasher shakes water everywhere.
The mayor retrieves his hat from the pond.
The ducks return cautiously.
The bunting hangs in tatters.
The coconut shy lies flat.
The pie table resembles a battlefield.
Mr. Grimsby hands Dennis a new badge.
The badge reads: Official Fete Organiser.
Dennis pins it on crooked.
The badge immediately falls off.
Dennis shrugs.
Dennis says, “Needs more sausages next year.”
Walter wrings water from his bow tie.
Walter says, “Next year I am organising.”
Dennis smiles wider.
Gnasher growls playfully.
The bell rings though it is Saturday.
Nobody knows why.
Dennis picks up the giant teddy remains.
Dennis tosses it into the air.
The confetti explodes one final time.
The playground stands completely wrecked.
The crowd claps.
Mr. Grimsby salutes Dennis.
Dennis salutes back.
Walter slips on custard again.
Gnasher chases the final sausage into the sunset.
The school fete ends in total chaos.
Dennis beams proudly.
Bananaman Turns the Town Inside Out
Eric Wimp walks down Acacia Road carrying a shopping bag full of bananas.
Eric Wimp trips over a loose paving stone.
The bananas spill across the pavement.
General Blight watches from inside a gigantic upside-down tank parked in the middle of the street.
General Blight presses a button.
The tank fires a purple beam at the sky.
The sky flips.
Clouds hang below the ground.
Houses float gently upward.
Mrs. Wimp’s teacup drifts toward the ceiling.
Eric Wimp stares at the floating bananas.
Eric Wimp says, “Oh crumbs.”
One banana bounces off Eric’s head.
Eric peels it midair.
Eric takes one bite.
Eric Wimp vanishes.
Bananaman appears instantly, cape fluttering upward instead of down.
Bananaman looks at the inverted world.
Bananaman says, “Very decorative.”
General Blight laughs through a megaphone.
General Blight says, “Gravity is cancelled! I am supreme!”
The postman floats past screaming.
A bus rotates slowly like a lazy windmill.
Bananaman flies downward, which is currently up.
Bananaman grabs the spinning bus.
Bananaman says, “Tickets please.”
He sets the bus gently on a floating lamppost.
General Blight fires another beam.
The pavement detaches and drifts like a carpet.
Bananaman rolls the pavement back up neatly and tucks it under his arm.
A cow floats past chewing calmly.
Bananaman pats the cow midair.
Bananaman says, “Carry on.”
General Blight activates robotic boots.
The boots stomp across the underside of a house.
General Blight shouts, “Observe chaos!”
The town hall flips entirely upside down.
The mayor clings to the chandelier.
Bananaman inhales deeply.
Bananaman blows one careful breath.
The wind pushes every building gently back into alignment.
The clouds return to the sky.
The pavement unrolls perfectly flat.
The cow lands softly in a field.
General Blight frowns.
General Blight presses a red lever.
Every object swaps places.
The park fountain appears in the bakery.
The bakery appears in the park.
A police car sits in a tree.
Bananaman scratches his chin.
Bananaman says, “Tidying required.”
Bananaman spins rapidly in one spot.
The spin creates a tidy whirlwind.
The whirlwind sorts every object alphabetically.
Bakery returns to B.
Fountain returns to F.
Police car returns to P.
The tree remains confused for a moment, then shrugs.
General Blight roars in frustration.
General Blight launches a squadron of flying metal bananas.
The bananas fire laser beams.
Bananaman gasps theatrically.
Bananaman says, “Impostors!”
Bananaman plucks one laser banana out of the air.
Bananaman peels it.
The metal skin unzips like a costume.
Inside sits a tiny confused robot.
Bananaman ties all the flying bananas together in a neat bunch.
Bananaman hangs them from a streetlight.
General Blight drives his upside-down tank directly at Bananaman.
The tank flips gravity again.
Everything turns sideways.
People slide along walls.
Fish swim through the air.
Bananaman stands still.
Bananaman rotates his own head ninety degrees.
Bananaman says, “Much better.”
The tank fires continuously.
Bananaman catches every purple beam in his hands and ties them into a glowing bow.
Bananaman wraps the bow around the tank.
The tank folds itself into a cube.
General Blight tumbles out dizzy.
General Blight presses a final emergency button.
The moon enlarges dramatically and begins descending toward town.
Citizens scream.
Eric Wimp’s schoolteacher floats by clutching homework sheets.
Bananaman looks upward.
Bananaman says, “That’s close.”
Bananaman leaps into space in a single bound.
Bananaman nudges the moon gently back into orbit with one finger.
Bananaman straightens one crater like smoothing a cushion.
Bananaman returns before anyone finishes screaming.
General Blight crawls toward his cube-tank.
General Blight says, “Retreat!”
Bananaman taps the cube lightly.
The cube unfolds into a tiny toy tank.
Bananaman hands it to a nearby toddler.
The toddler giggles.
General Blight faints.
Police officers finally arrive, sliding slightly on recently restored gravity.
An officer handcuffs General Blight carefully.
Bananaman salutes.
The mayor approaches cautiously.
The mayor says, “How can we thank you?”
Bananaman hears a faint voice.
Mrs. Wimp shouts from a window, “Eric! Tea time!”
Bananaman blinks.
Bananaman spots a banana peel floating nearby.
Bananaman grabs it.
Bananaman takes a quick bite of banana he keeps in his utility belt.
Bananaman vanishes.
Eric Wimp stands in the street holding an empty shopping bag.
Eric Wimp looks around at the perfectly normal town.
Eric Wimp says, “Did I miss something?”
The mayor pats Eric on the shoulder.
The mayor says, “Good weather today.”
Eric nods nervously.
The toddler drives the tiny toy tank along the pavement making explosion noises.
General Blight groans from the police van.
Clouds drift calmly overhead.
Gravity behaves politely.
Eric Wimp walks home.
Eric Wimp steps over the loose paving stone again.
Eric Wimp trips.
A single banana rolls out of the bag.
Eric stares at it suspiciously.
Eric picks it up carefully.
Eric says, “Maybe after tea.”
Inside the house, Mrs. Wimp pours tea peacefully.
Outside, the sky remains firmly in place.
The moon stays exactly where it belongs.
The toy tank squeaks faintly in the distance.
Eric closes the door.
Somewhere far above, the moon tilts slightly straighter, as if remembering the adjustment.
General Blight sighs.
Bananaman waits patiently inside the next banana.
Korky the Cat Empties the Fish Market
Korky the Cat sits on the garden wall staring at a delivery van marked Fresh Fish — Mr. Grub’s Market.
Korky’s stomach rumbles loudly enough to rattle the fence.
Mr. Grub unloads crates stacked with shining mackerel, fat salmon, and slippery sardines.
Mr. Grub wipes his hands on his apron.
Mr. Grub says, “Not a paw near these beauties.”
Korky narrows his eyes.
Korky licks his whiskers.
Mr. Grub carries the first crate inside.
Korky leaps silently into the van.
Korky lifts one fish.
The fish slaps Korky in the face.
Korky glares at it.
Korky stuffs three fish under his tail and jumps out just as Mr. Grub returns.
Mr. Grub squints at the crate.
Mr. Grub says, “Thought there were more.”
Korky tiptoes behind the bins.
A dog named Ripper rounds the corner.
Ripper growls.
Korky freezes.
The fish tails stick out clearly from behind Korky’s back.
Ripper sniffs.
Korky tosses one fish into the air.
Ripper leaps for it.
Korky dashes past with the remaining two.
Mr. Grub hears barking.
Mr. Grub rushes outside.
Mr. Grub sees Ripper chasing a fish down the street.
Mr. Grub shakes his fist.
Korky returns to the van.
Korky pulls out a fishing net from somewhere behind the wheel.
Korky spreads the net across the entire crate.
Mr. Grub comes back and grabs the net, thinking it is loose rope.
Korky hangs on tightly.
Mr. Grub drags Korky through the doorway without noticing.
Inside the shop, customers inspect the display.
Mrs. Perkins points at a salmon.
Mrs. Perkins says, “That one.”
Mr. Grub lifts the salmon.
The salmon is gone.
Only a tail remains.
Mr. Grub blinks.
Korky hides under the counter chewing furiously.
Mrs. Perkins gasps.
Mrs. Perkins says, “It vanished!”
Mr. Grub checks another crate.
Half empty.
Mr. Grub scratches his head.
Korky spots a large glass tank filled with live lobsters.
Korky grins.
Korky climbs onto the tank.
One lobster raises a claw threateningly.
Korky taps the glass.
The lobster snaps.
Korky lifts the lid carefully.
All lobsters climb out at once.
Lobsters scatter across the tiled floor like marching soldiers.
Customers shriek.
Mr. Grub slips on a lobster.
Mr. Grub spins and crashes into the sardine shelf.
Sardine tins rain down like metallic hail.
Korky grabs a trout mid-chaos.
Ripper bursts into the shop chasing the original fish.
Ripper skids across the floor.
Ripper slides straight into the lobster tank.
Water splashes everywhere.
Korky leaps onto a hanging scale.
The scale swings wildly.
Korky swings across the shop Tarzan-style, collecting fish from every counter with each pass.
Mr. Grub regains his balance.
Mr. Grub spots Korky mid-swing.
Mr. Grub shouts, “Stop that cat!”
Mr. Grub grabs the scale rope.
Korky releases at the perfect moment.
Korky lands inside an empty crate stacked high.
Mr. Grub nails the crate shut immediately.
Mr. Grub wipes his brow.
Mr. Grub says, “Caught you.”
The crate wiggles.
The crate hops.
The crate bursts open.
Instead of Korky, lobsters spill out again.
Mr. Grub stares in disbelief.
Korky sits on top of the fridge eating calmly.
Korky waves with a fish tail.
Mrs. Perkins faints gently into a pile of mackerel.
Ripper climbs out of the tank soaked and confused.
Korky jumps onto the hanging banner reading Grand Opening Special.
The banner rips loose.
The banner wraps around Mr. Grub like a bandage.
Mr. Grub waddles helplessly.
Korky leaps down and opens the shop door wide.
A seagull flock immediately floods inside.
Seagulls squawk.
Seagulls grab sardines.
Seagulls knock over displays.
Korky darts between wings collecting premium cuts.
Mr. Grub shouts through the banner.
Mr. Grub says, “Shoo them!”
Korky salutes sarcastically.
Korky throws one fish skyward.
Every seagull chases it outside.
Silence falls.
The shop stands ruined.
Water covers the floor.
Lobsters climb the curtains.
Sardine tins roll in circles.
Mr. Grub finally unwraps himself.
Mr. Grub surveys the disaster.
Mr. Grub gasps.
The main display counter stands completely empty.
Not a single fish remains.
Outside, Korky strolls down the alley carrying an impossible stack of seafood balanced neatly in his paws and tail.
Ripper watches from the doorway, too tired to chase.
Mr. Grub charges outside.
Mr. Grub slips instantly on a stray sardine.
Mr. Grub lands flat.
Korky pauses at the fence.
Korky looks back.
Korky winks.
Korky tosses one tiny anchovy toward Mr. Grub.
The anchovy lands gently on Mr. Grub’s nose.
Korky disappears over the wall.
Later that afternoon, Korky lounges on the shed roof surrounded by fish bones stacked like trophies.
The garden smells strongly of the ocean.
Mr. Grub stomps past the gate with a broom.
Mr. Grub mutters, “Next time, no deliveries near that cat.”
Korky burps contentedly.
A final sardine tin falls from the sky, dropped by a late seagull.
Korky catches it without opening his eyes.
Korky pulls the tab.
The lid flips open perfectly.
Korky smiles wide.
Inside the ruined shop, Mr. Grub hangs a new sign: No Cats Allowed.
The sign falls immediately.
Outside on the shed roof, Korky sharpens his claws thoughtfully.
Korky spots another delivery van turning the corner.
Korky grins wider.
Korky stretches slowly.
Korky leaps back toward the street.
The fish market has not recovered.
Korky has not finished.
Brassneck Blasts Off with Borrowed Brains
Brassneck stands in the kitchen holding a toaster delicately between two metal fingers.
Brassneck says, “Commencing optimal browning sequence.”
The toaster glows red.
The bread carbonises instantly.
Smoke fills the room.
Colonel Crackpot storms in wearing goggles and a lab coat covered in scorch marks.
Colonel Crackpot shouts, “Brassneck! That was my experimental toaster!”
Brassneck tilts his metal head.
Brassneck says, “Toast complete.”
Mrs. Crackpot waves smoke away with a tea towel.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “You two will ruin breakfast.”
A loud crash shakes the house.
Colonel Crackpot grins wildly.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Ah! The rocket is ready!”
In the garden stands a tall homemade rocket constructed from old washing machines, drainpipes, and satellite dishes.
A banner hangs across it: CRACKPOT SPACE MISSION.
Brassneck scans the rocket.
Brassneck says, “Probability of explosion: high.”
Colonel Crackpot pats the hull proudly.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Nonsense! I’ve installed your new Brain Booster 3000.”
Colonel Crackpot opens Brassneck’s back panel.
Colonel Crackpot plugs in a glowing microchip the size of a biscuit.
Brassneck’s eyes flash brighter.
Brassneck says, “Intelligence level increased.”
Brassneck calculates rapidly.
Brassneck says, “Rocket trajectory flawed. Oxygen supply misaligned. Fuel unstable.”
Colonel Crackpot blinks.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Oh.”
Brassneck picks up a spanner and rebuilds the engine in three seconds.
The rocket hums smoothly.
Mrs. Crackpot sips tea calmly.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “At least one of you is sensible.”
Colonel Crackpot straps himself into the pilot seat.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Brassneck, you will navigate!”
Brassneck straps in beside him.
Countdown begins automatically.
Brassneck says, “Ten.”
Colonel Crackpot says, “Nine!”
Mrs. Crackpot waters the roses nearby.
Brassneck says, “Three.”
Colonel Crackpot says, “Two!”
The rocket blasts off before “one.”
The garden fence disintegrates.
Mrs. Crackpot adjusts her watering calmly.
The rocket streaks through clouds.
Colonel Crackpot whoops.
Colonel Crackpot says, “To the moon!”
Brassneck scans space.
Brassneck says, “Moon unnecessary. Visiting Mars more efficient.”
Colonel Crackpot presses random buttons enthusiastically.
The rocket spins.
The Earth rotates below like a confused marble.
Inside the control panel, the Brain Booster chip glows hotter.
Brassneck begins speaking faster.
Brassneck says, “Recalculating universal constants. Adjusting gravitational matrix.”
Colonel Crackpot stares.
Colonel Crackpot says, “You’re glowing.”
Brassneck’s head begins projecting holograms.
Charts float around the cockpit.
Equations spiral across the windshield.
Brassneck says, “Solution to world hunger discovered. Also perfected intergalactic tea kettle.”
Colonel Crackpot gasps.
The rocket veers sharply toward a passing satellite.
Brassneck catches the satellite mid-flight and reprograms it.
The satellite now broadcasts dancing cartoons to Earth.
Back in the garden, Mrs. Crackpot watches her television suddenly show Brassneck juggling asteroids.
Mrs. Crackpot sighs.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “Typical.”
In space, Colonel Crackpot pulls a lever marked Emergency.
Instead of stopping the rocket, the lever activates disco lights.
Music blasts through the cockpit.
Brassneck calculates rhythm perfectly and begins dancing while steering.
The rocket skims the edge of Mars.
Brassneck extends one metal arm and collects a rock sample casually.
Brassneck says, “Mars secured.”
Colonel Crackpot beams.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Historic!”
The Brain Booster chip sparks violently.
Brassneck’s voice deepens.
Brassneck says, “New objective. Improve entire solar system.”
Brassneck rearranges asteroids into a neat circle.
Brassneck straightens Saturn’s rings.
Brassneck polishes a comet with a cloth from nowhere.
Colonel Crackpot grips his seat nervously.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Perhaps that’s enough improvement.”
Brassneck pauses mid-polish.
Brassneck says, “Processing humility.”
The chip overheats.
Smoke curls from Brassneck’s ears.
Brassneck calculates too quickly.
Brassneck says, “Redesigning Earth.”
The rocket pivots sharply toward home.
Colonel Crackpot panics.
Colonel Crackpot says, “No redesigning!”
Colonel Crackpot grabs the Brain Booster chip and yanks it out.
Brassneck freezes.
Brassneck powers down briefly.
The rocket immediately begins spiralling uncontrollably.
Colonel Crackpot fumbles with controls.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Brassneck? Assistance?”
Brassneck reboots at normal intelligence.
Brassneck says, “You removed guidance.”
Brassneck calmly presses one button.
The rocket stabilises instantly.
Brassneck guides the ship smoothly back toward the garden.
The rocket lands heavily, crushing the shed completely.
Mrs. Crackpot examines the flattened shed.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “You’ve parked again.”
Colonel Crackpot stumbles out proudly holding the Mars rock.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Success!”
Brassneck steps out carefully.
Brassneck hands Mrs. Crackpot a perfectly toasted slice of bread produced from an internal compartment.
Mrs. Crackpot inspects it.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “At last.”
The television still shows the satellite broadcast of Brassneck juggling asteroids.
Colonel Crackpot rushes inside to adjust it.
Brassneck bends down and repairs the crushed shed in seconds.
Brassneck straightens the garden fence atom by atom.
Mrs. Crackpot places the toast on a plate.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “No more upgrades.”
Colonel Crackpot hides the Brain Booster chip behind his back.
Brassneck’s eyes flick toward the chip.
Brassneck says, “I detected that.”
Colonel Crackpot gulps.
The Mars rock begins vibrating.
The rock cracks open.
A tiny green alien pops out and squeaks angrily.
Colonel Crackpot stares.
Mrs. Crackpot drops the toast.
Brassneck scans the alien.
Brassneck says, “Guest detected.”
The alien presses a button on a miniature device.
A fleet of tiny spacecraft appears above the house.
Colonel Crackpot grins nervously.
Colonel Crackpot says, “Another mission?”
Brassneck folds his metal arms calmly.
Brassneck says, “Please refrain from installing new chips.”
The alien ships begin descending rapidly.
Mrs. Crackpot sighs.
Mrs. Crackpot picks up her tea.
Mrs. Crackpot says, “I’ll make more toast.”
Brassneck’s eyes glow steadily.
Colonel Crackpot reaches for the Brain Booster again.
Brassneck gently confiscates it.
Above the house, the tiny alien fleet hovers menacingly.
In the garden, the rocket smokes quietly.
The shed stands rebuilt.
The toaster sits nervously on the kitchen counter.
Brassneck calculates response options.
Colonel Crackpot smiles wildly.
The alien squeaks louder.
The next launch feels inevitable.
Beryl the Peril Wrecks the Quiet Parade
Beryl the Peril stands at the edge of Jubilee Street staring at a long banner that reads: Annual Quiet & Polite Parade.
Miss Prim adjusts her glasses and straightens the banner carefully.
Miss Prim says, “Remember, Beryl. Quiet.”
Beryl nods.
Beryl crosses her fingers behind her back.
The marching band lines up in perfect rows.
Tommy Tweak tunes his trumpet nervously.
Mrs. Mopp arranges a float covered in paper flowers.
The mayor polishes a silver trophy labeled Most Well-Behaved Street.
Beryl studies the float.
Beryl whispers, “Needs personality.”
Miss Prim hands Beryl a small paper flag.
Miss Prim says, “Wave gently.”
Beryl grips the flag tightly.
The parade begins.
Drums tap softly.
The crowd claps politely.
Beryl walks in line for three entire seconds.
Beryl spots a dog tied to a lamppost.
The dog growls at the marching band.
Beryl unties the dog.
Beryl says, “Run free.”
The dog bolts straight into the trombone section.
Trombones twist into knots.
Tommy Tweak inhales sharply and blows his trumpet in panic.
The trumpet fires a loud blast that echoes through every window.
Miss Prim gasps.
Miss Prim says, “Composure!”
Beryl smiles brightly.
The float rolls forward slowly.
Beryl notices the wheels are slightly loose.
Beryl tightens them enthusiastically.
The wheels pop off entirely.
The float collapses.
Paper flowers explode into the air like confetti.
Mrs. Mopp screams.
Beryl leaps onto the float remains and begins tossing flowers joyfully into the crowd.
The crowd cheers despite themselves.
The mayor frowns.
The mayor says, “Maintain dignity!”
Beryl spots the silver trophy shining in the sun.
Beryl squints.
Beryl swaps the trophy with a silver teapot from a nearby tea stall.
The parade continues.
The mayor lifts the “trophy” high.
Tea pours onto his shoes.
The band attempts to recover rhythm.
Tommy Tweak slips on petals.
Tommy’s trumpet flies upward and lands perfectly on the statue of Queen Victoria at the end of the street.
The trumpet begins playing by itself as wind blows through it.
Beryl claps delightedly.
Miss Prim tries to herd the children back into line.
Miss Prim says, “Order!”
Beryl spots the banner above.
Beryl climbs the lamppost effortlessly.
Beryl swings from the banner like a circus performer.
The banner tears loose.
The words now read: Annual Loud & Wild Parade.
The crowd erupts in laughter.
The dog returns dragging half the drum kit.
Drums roll downhill, bouncing wildly.
Beryl hops onto a runaway drum and rides it like a wheel down the street.
Mrs. Mopp chases after her waving a broken flower stem.
The mayor attempts to restore seriousness.
The mayor grabs a megaphone.
The megaphone squeals with feedback.
Beryl snatches the megaphone mid-squeal.
Beryl shouts, “Parade race!”
The children immediately begin running.
The band sprints while playing wildly off-key.
The float base rolls freely downhill like a sled.
Miss Prim’s hat flies into a tree.
Beryl jumps off the drum and lands directly in front of the mayor.
Beryl presents the teapot proudly.
Beryl says, “Prize for loudest!”
The mayor stares at his soaked shoes.
The mayor begins laughing despite himself.
The dog chases the drum major in circles.
Tommy Tweak retrieves his trumpet from the statue using a ladder that tips sideways.
Tommy falls gently into a pile of petals.
Beryl spots the trophy still sitting at the tea stall.
Beryl swaps it back just as the judges approach.
Miss Prim breathes heavily.
Miss Prim says, “We are ruined.”
The judges inspect the parade scene.
Petals drift through the air.
Children laugh freely.
The band plays enthusiastically, though not accurately.
The banner flaps reading Loud & Wild.
One judge nods slowly.
The judge says, “Best energy we’ve seen.”
The mayor stands proudly again, holding the correct trophy this time.
The mayor says, “Spirit counts.”
Miss Prim blinks in disbelief.
Beryl beams.
Mrs. Mopp adjusts what remains of the float into a makeshift cart.
The dog naps atop the drum kit peacefully.
The trophy is awarded to Jubilee Street anyway.
Confetti cannons fire accidentally when Beryl presses a random lever on the broken float.
Confetti fills the entire street.
Miss Prim stands covered head to toe in paper bits.
Miss Prim says nothing.
Beryl salutes cheerfully.
Tommy Tweak attempts one final triumphant note.
The trumpet produces a heroic blast that shakes windows.
The crowd applauds wildly.
The mayor pats Beryl on the shoulder.
The mayor says, “Perhaps next year slightly quieter.”
Beryl nods sincerely.
Beryl spots a stack of fireworks labeled For Evening Celebration Only.
Beryl grins slowly.
Miss Prim sees the grin.
Miss Prim faints neatly into Mrs. Mopp’s arms.
The parade disbands in happy disorder.
Children scatter laughing.
The dog trots proudly with a drumstick in its mouth.
The banner hangs crooked but bold.
The trophy gleams in the mayor’s hand.
Beryl lights one tiny sparkler secretly behind her back.
The sparkler fizzles brightly.
Beryl smiles wider.
Evening has not yet arrived.
Jubilee Street feels louder than ever.
Miss Prim regains consciousness just in time to see Beryl examining the fireworks crate thoughtfully.
The next explosion feels extremely likely.
Winker Watson Wins Without Working
Winker Watson lies flat on his dormitory bed at Greytowers School staring at a cricket bat resting against the wall.
Winker Watson says, “Exertion is unnecessary.”
Butch McGinty bursts into the dormitory waving a timetable.
Butch McGinty says, “Match against Grimstone College today!”
Algy Bats peers over a book.
Algy Bats says, “We require practice.”
Winker Watson rolls over lazily.
Winker Watson says, “We require tactics.”
Down on the cricket field, Headmaster Dr. Muddle inspects the pitch.
Dr. Muddle says, “Sportsmanship, boys!”
Grimstone College arrives in spotless uniforms, marching confidently.
Their captain flexes dramatically.
The Grimstone Captain says, “Prepare to lose.”
Winker Watson adjusts his cap slightly crooked.
Winker Watson says, “Prepare to observe.”
The match begins.
Butch McGinty bowls first.
The Grimstone Captain smashes the ball so hard it disappears into the trees.
Dr. Muddle applauds politely.
Algy Bats calculates field placements nervously.
Winker Watson yawns.
Winker Watson whispers to Butch.
Winker Watson says, “Aim at the loose turf.”
Butch bowls again.
The ball hits the exact loose patch Winker indicated.
The ball bounces wildly sideways.
The Grimstone Captain swings confidently and spins around completely, missing.
The wicket collapses.
Winker Watson claps once.
Winker Watson says, “Nature assists.”
Another Grimstone batsman steps forward.
Winker Watson studies the sunlight carefully.
Winker Watson shifts one fielder exactly three inches to the left.
Butch bowls.
The batsman edges the ball weakly.
The fielder catches it without moving his feet.
Dr. Muddle beams.
The Grimstone Captain growls.
The innings continues.
Every bounce behaves strangely but legally.
Every shot finds a Greytowers fielder placed by Winker Watson moments earlier.
Algy Bats whispers, “You planned this?”
Winker Watson smiles faintly.
Winker Watson says, “I observed the wind.”
Greytowers’ turn to bat arrives.
Winker Watson strolls to the crease.
The Grimstone bowler smirks.
The Grimstone Bowler says, “First ball out.”
The bowler hurls the ball fiercely.
Winker Watson does not swing.
The ball clips the wicket lightly but fails to dislodge a single bail.
The umpire shrugs.
Winker Watson says, “Structural weakness.”
Next ball flies in faster.
Winker Watson taps it gently.
The ball rolls precisely between two distracted Grimstone fielders arguing about positioning.
Winker Watson does not run.
The fielders chase desperately.
The ball slows near the boundary.
A gust of wind nudges it the final inch over the line.
Four runs.
Winker Watson adjusts his gloves lazily.
Butch McGinty watches in awe.
The Grimstone Captain shouts, “Focus!”
The next delivery bounces awkwardly.
Winker Watson ducks casually.
The ball flies over the wicketkeeper’s head for byes.
Dr. Muddle applauds enthusiastically.
Algy Bats calculates the score rapidly.
Algy Bats says, “We are leading.”
The Grimstone Bowler charges in furiously.
Winker Watson closes his eyes briefly.
Winker Watson swings lightly.
The ball pops straight up.
Everyone gasps.
The Grimstone Captain positions perfectly beneath it.
The sun shifts suddenly behind a cloud.
The Captain loses sight of the ball for half a second.
The ball lands in his hat.
The Captain panics and tosses his hat away instinctively.
The ball lands safely on the grass.
Winker Watson strolls for a single run.
The crowd murmurs.
Dr. Muddle adjusts his spectacles.
The match tightens.
Final over.
Greytowers need two runs.
Winker Watson stands calm.
The Grimstone Bowler delivers the fastest ball yet.
Winker Watson steps aside completely.
The ball strikes a small stone on the pitch.
The ball ricochets backward off the bowler’s shoe and rolls gently to the boundary.
Four runs.
Greytowers win.
Butch McGinty lifts Winker Watson onto his shoulders.
Algy Bats cheers loudly.
Dr. Muddle shakes the Grimstone Captain’s hand politely.
The Grimstone Captain fumes.
The Grimstone Captain says, “Luck!”
Winker Watson straightens his cap.
Winker Watson says, “Preparation.”
Back in the dormitory, Butch McGinty celebrates wildly.
Butch McGinty says, “Victory feast!”
Algy Bats opens a textbook again.
Winker Watson lies back on his bed.
Winker Watson says, “Exertion avoided.”
Dr. Muddle enters unexpectedly.
Dr. Muddle says, “Academic exams tomorrow.”
Butch groans.
Algy nods confidently.
Winker Watson closes his eyes thoughtfully.
The next morning in the exam hall, papers are distributed.
Algy Bats begins writing immediately.
Butch McGinty sweats nervously.
Winker Watson reads the first question.
Winker Watson glances at the open window.
A breeze flips the edge of the exam paper slightly, revealing the final question beneath.
Winker Watson smiles faintly.
Winker Watson rearranges his answers carefully to match patterns he predicted from last year’s paper.
The clock ticks.
The Grimstone Captain sits at a desk across the hall for a joint exam session.
The Captain struggles visibly.
Winker Watson finishes early.
Winker Watson rests his chin on his hand.
Results are posted that afternoon.
Greytowers top the list.
Winker Watson stands first in cricket and academics.
Butch McGinty cheers loudly.
Algy Bats adjusts his tie proudly.
Dr. Muddle beams at Winker Watson.
Dr. Muddle says, “Remarkable effort.”
Winker Watson stretches lazily.
Winker Watson says, “Minimal.”
The Grimstone Captain stomps away frustrated.
Winker Watson returns to his dormitory.
Winker Watson places the cricket bat neatly back against the wall.
Winker Watson lies down again.
Butch McGinty says, “Practice tomorrow?”
Winker Watson closes his eyes.
Winker Watson says, “Observation tomorrow.”
Outside the dorm window, the wind shifts gently across the cricket pitch.
Loose turf flutters exactly where Winker Watson noticed it before.
In the hallway, Dr. Muddle posts a notice for a surprise athletics trial next week.
Butch groans loudly.
Algy begins revising already.
Winker Watson opens one eye briefly.
Winker Watson says, “Gravity remains reliable.”
He closes it again.
Greytowers stands victorious.
Winker Watson rests comfortably.
Effort remains optional.
Keyhole Kate Sees Too Much
Keyhole Kate kneels at her front door with one eye firmly pressed to the keyhole.
Kate whispers, “Investigation begins.”
Across the street, Mrs. Crump carries a suspiciously large box labeled FRAGILE into her house.
Kate gasps.
Kate says, “Highly suspicious.”
Kate grabs her binoculars and rushes upstairs.
Kate leans out of the bedroom window.
The binoculars zoom dramatically.
Inside Mrs. Crump’s house, the box moves slightly.
Kate narrows her eyes.
Kate says, “Contraband.”
Mr. Snoop from next door trims his hedge carefully.
Kate swivels the binoculars.
Mr. Snoop hides something shiny inside the hedge.
Kate gasps louder.
Kate says, “Evidence.”
Kate scribbles frantic notes in a small notebook titled Neighborhood Secrets.
Down the street, the baker drops flour everywhere.
Kate zooms again.
Kate says, “Cover-up.”
Kate dashes outside pretending to sweep her step.
Kate inches closer to Mrs. Crump’s window.
Kate crouches beneath the sill.
Inside, Mrs. Crump lifts the lid of the box.
Kate stands on tiptoes.
The box suddenly pops open.
A cluster of balloons bursts upward and fills the room.
Kate tumbles backward into Mr. Snoop’s hedge.
Mr. Snoop yelps.
Mr. Snoop says, “What are you doing in my shrubbery?”
Kate stands, covered in leaves.
Kate says, “Routine inspection.”
The shiny object falls from the hedge.
It is a silver garden trowel.
Mr. Snoop folds his arms.
Mr. Snoop says, “Planting tulips.”
Kate scribbles again.
Kate says, “Too neat.”
Mrs. Crump exits her house carrying the balloons.
Mrs. Crump says, “Surprise party preparations nearly ready.”
Kate freezes.
Kate says, “Party?”
Mrs. Crump smiles mysteriously.
Mrs. Crump says, “For someone very curious.”
Kate blinks rapidly.
Kate backs away slowly.
Kate spots the baker rushing toward her house carrying a cake.
The cake reads: For Kate.
Kate gasps.
Kate says, “Diversion tactic.”
Kate sprints inside and locks the door.
Kate presses her eye to the keyhole again.
Outside, Mr. Snoop, Mrs. Crump, and the baker gather quietly.
They whisper.
Kate strains to hear.
Kate says, “Plot thickens.”
The doorbell rings loudly.
Kate jumps.
Kate says, “They know.”
The doorbell rings again.
Kate tiptoes away from the door.
Kate opens the back window instead.
Kate climbs out carefully.
Kate sneaks around the alley to spy on her own front door.
Mrs. Crump stands holding balloons.
Mr. Snoop holds a wrapped gift.
The baker balances the cake carefully.
Kate squints suspiciously.
Kate says, “Too cheerful.”
Kate sneaks closer and hides behind the wheelie bin.
The baker adjusts the cake.
The cake begins sliding.
Kate lunges forward to stop it.
Kate grabs the cake mid-fall.
Frosting splashes directly onto Kate’s face.
Everyone stares.
Mrs. Crump bursts into laughter.
Mr. Snoop claps.
The baker sighs in relief.
Mrs. Crump says, “Happy Curiosity Day!”
Kate blinks through frosting.
Kate says, “Curiosity Day?”
Mr. Snoop nods.
Mr. Snoop says, “We decided to celebrate your dedication to knowing everything.”
The balloons rise into the air.
They spell out K-A-T-E.
Kate wipes icing from her nose.
Kate says, “I suspected something.”
The baker hands Kate a clean slice of cake.
Kate inspects it carefully for hidden messages.
Mrs. Crump opens the gift.
Inside sits a golden magnifying glass engraved with Official Neighborhood Watcher.
Kate’s eyes widen.
Kate says, “Recognition.”
Mr. Snoop chuckles.
Mr. Snoop says, “Now perhaps watch slightly less closely.”
Kate peers immediately through the magnifying glass at Mr. Snoop’s shoes.
Kate says, “New laces.”
Mrs. Crump rolls her eyes playfully.
Mrs. Crump says, “Hopeless.”
Suddenly, Kate notices something behind Mrs. Crump.
Kate squints dramatically.
Kate says, “Wait.”
A shadow moves behind the curtains of the empty house at the end of the street.
Kate gasps loudly.
Kate points.
Kate says, “Actual mystery!”
Everyone turns.
The curtain twitches again.
Mr. Snoop gulps.
The baker drops a spoon.
Mrs. Crump whispers, “Nobody lives there.”
Kate charges forward without hesitation.
Kate presses her eye to the empty house keyhole.
Kate whispers, “Aha!”
The door swings open suddenly.
Kate tumbles inside onto a pile of cleaning supplies.
Inside stands a real estate agent arranging furniture.
The agent blinks.
The agent says, “Open house tomorrow.”
Kate stands up proudly.
Kate says, “Vigilance successful.”
Mrs. Crump, Mr. Snoop, and the baker peer inside awkwardly.
The agent hands Kate a brochure.
Kate flips through it intensely.
Kate says, “I’ll monitor.”
Back outside, balloons drift gently above the street.
The cake sits slightly squashed but intact.
Mr. Snoop sighs deeply.
Mrs. Crump shakes her head smiling.
Kate stands in the middle of the pavement with her golden magnifying glass raised dramatically.
Kate scans every window.
Kate says, “Community secure.”
Behind her, the baker quietly replaces the frosting Kate smeared earlier.
Mr. Snoop hides his trowel back in the shed carefully.
Mrs. Crump carries leftover balloons inside.
Kate scribbles one final note in her book.
Kate writes: Suspicious curtain movement resolved. Continue surveillance.
The sun begins setting.
Kate presses her eye to her own keyhole again.
Kate smiles confidently.
Kate says, “Nothing escapes Keyhole Kate.”
Behind her, the balloons spell her name slightly crooked.
A curtain twitches somewhere again.
Kate gasps.
Investigation resumes immediately.
Cuddles and Dimples Turn Sweetshop Sour
Cuddles stands outside Mr. Cheery’s Sweetshop with hands clasped and eyes sparkling.
Dimples stands beside him blinking innocently.
A sign in the window reads: Free Sample Day — One Each.
Cuddles reads it aloud softly.
Cuddles says, “One each.”
Dimples nods sweetly.
Dimples says, “We are each.”
Mr. Cheery opens the shop door cheerfully.
Mr. Cheery says, “Only one sweet per child.”
Cuddles and Dimples smile angelically.
They step inside.
Glass jars line every wall — lemon drops, chocolate buttons, rainbow sherbet, jelly babies.
Cuddles inhales deeply.
Dimples clasps her hands tighter.
Mr. Cheery hands Cuddles one toffee.
Mr. Cheery hands Dimples one fudge cube.
Cuddles stares at the toffee.
Dimples stares at the fudge.
Cuddles whispers, “Trade?”
Dimples nods solemnly.
They swap.
Mr. Cheery smiles proudly.
Mr. Cheery says, “Well-behaved children.”
Cuddles and Dimples walk slowly toward the door.
Cuddles pauses.
Cuddles says, “We forgot something.”
Dimples gasps softly.
Dimples says, “Politeness.”
They walk back to the counter.
Cuddles says, “Thank you.”
Dimples says, “Very much.”
Mr. Cheery beams.
Mr. Cheery says, “You’re welcome.”
Cuddles leans slightly on the counter.
A jar of gobstoppers wobbles.
Dimples reaches out gently.
Dimples says, “Careful.”
The jar tips anyway.
Gobstoppers cascade like marbles across the floor.
Mr. Cheery lunges.
Mr. Cheery slips instantly.
Cuddles gasps loudly.
Dimples gasps louder.
Cuddles says, “Emergency.”
Cuddles grabs a scoop to help.
Cuddles scoops too energetically.
Sherbet flies into the air like colourful smoke.
Dimples coughs politely.
Dimples says, “Snowing.”
Customers stumble backward.
Sherbet coats everyone evenly.
Mr. Cheery emerges pink.
Mr. Cheery says, “Stop helping!”
Cuddles nods sincerely.
Cuddles stops.
Dimples stops.
Silence falls.
One jelly baby rolls slowly off the counter.
Cuddles watches it fall.
Cuddles dives to catch it.
Cuddles crashes into the liquorice wheel display.
Liquorice unravels dramatically like black ribbons.
Dimples claps softly.
Dimples says, “Decorations.”
The door opens suddenly.
A group of schoolchildren enters.
They freeze at the sight of sherbet fog and liquorice streamers.
Cuddles smiles proudly.
Cuddles says, “Festive.”
Mr. Cheery rushes to block the doorway.
Mr. Cheery says, “Closed!”
Dimples notices a lever marked Jawbreaker Mixer behind the counter.
Dimples tilts her head.
Dimples says, “Interesting.”
Dimples pulls the lever gently.
The mixer roars to life.
Jawbreakers spin wildly inside a large glass drum.
Cuddles watches in fascination.
The drum shakes violently.
The glass cracks.
Jawbreakers fire out like cannonballs.
They bounce off walls and ring the shop bell repeatedly.
Mr. Cheery ducks behind the counter.
Cuddles shields Dimples bravely.
Dimples smiles sweetly.
One jawbreaker lands neatly in a customer’s hat.
Another wedges into the cash register.
The register pops open and sprays coins everywhere.
Cuddles kneels to gather coins politely.
Cuddles slips again on sherbet.
Coins scatter further.
Dimples attempts to tidy the liquorice ribbons by tying them into bows around shelves.
The bows tighten and pull the shelves sideways.
Chocolate bars tumble like dominoes.
Mr. Cheery stands up slowly.
Mr. Cheery says, “Enough.”
Cuddles and Dimples freeze mid-motion.
They look up with enormous watery eyes.
Cuddles says softly, “Sorry.”
Dimples echoes, “Very sorry.”
Mr. Cheery hesitates.
Mr. Cheery sighs deeply.
Mr. Cheery says, “Just leave.”
Cuddles nods.
Dimples nods.
They tiptoe toward the exit.
Cuddles accidentally pulls the door handle too hard.
The bell above the door detaches and drops into a barrel of boiled sweets.
The sweets explode upward in a rainbow fountain.
Children outside cheer loudly.
Mr. Cheery stares in silent horror.
Cuddles opens the door carefully this time.
Dimples waves sweetly.
Cuddles says, “Thank you for samples.”
Dimples says, “Lovely shop.”
They step outside.
Behind them, the sherbet fog drifts through the doorway like magical mist.
Liquorice ribbons hang from the ceiling.
Jawbreakers roll lazily across the floor.
Coins glitter under pink dust.
Mr. Cheery leans against the counter exhausted.
Outside, Cuddles unwraps the original toffee.
Dimples unwraps the fudge.
Cuddles smiles at Dimples.
Dimples smiles back.
Cuddles says, “Worth it?”
Dimples nods solemnly.
From inside the shop, a final jawbreaker pops loudly against the window.
The Free Sample Day sign tilts sideways and falls.
Mr. Cheery flips it over to read: Closed for Cleaning.
Cuddles and Dimples stroll away holding hands.
Sherbet footprints trail behind them down the pavement.
A delivery van labeled Extra Stock pulls up outside the sweetshop.
Mr. Cheery peeks through the window nervously.
Cuddles and Dimples spot the van simultaneously.
They stop walking.
They turn slowly.
They smile wider.
Dimples whispers, “Second chance.”
Cuddles nods eagerly.
Mr. Cheery locks the door hastily.
The van driver opens the back doors.
Crates of sweets gleam in the sunlight.
Cuddles and Dimples step forward politely.
Mr. Cheery gasps behind the glass.
The next sample day begins before the cleaning ends.
The Smasher Smashes the Talent Show
The Smasher stands backstage at the school hall wearing a badge that reads Talent Contestant No. 7.
The Smasher flexes both arms.
The Smasher says, “Winning.”
Sid Sneaky peeks around the curtain holding a violin carefully.
Sid Sneaky says, “It’s a talent show, not a demolition contest.”
The Smasher nods confidently.
The Smasher says, “Same thing.”
On stage, Headmaster Sir Whipple clears his throat at the podium.
Sir Whipple says, “Welcome to our Annual Display of Refinement.”
The curtain trembles slightly as The Smasher stretches.
First act: Lucy Lark sings a gentle song.
The audience claps politely.
Second act: Sid Sneaky performs a careful magic trick.
Sid pulls a rabbit from a hat.
The rabbit looks nervous.
The Smasher applauds too hard.
The shockwave knocks the hat flat.
Sid sighs.
Sir Whipple whispers sharply, “Control yourself!”
The Smasher nods seriously.
The Smasher tiptoes in place.
The wooden floor creaks loudly.
Finally, Sir Whipple announces, “Contestant Number Seven!”
The Smasher bursts through the curtain instead of walking around it.
The curtain rail snaps instantly.
The Smasher stands center stage.
The Smasher says proudly, “Observe strength.”
The Smasher lifts a grand piano with one hand.
The audience gasps.
The Smasher says, “Light.”
The Smasher attempts to set the piano down gently.
The piano sinks halfway through the stage floor.
Sir Whipple clutches his program tightly.
The Smasher scans the audience.
The Smasher says, “Need bigger object.”
The Smasher spots the stage spotlight rig.
The Smasher leaps upward.
The Smasher grabs the entire lighting bar.
The lights flicker wildly.
The Smasher spins the lighting bar like a baton.
The audience ducks.
Sid Sneaky pulls Lucy Lark offstage quickly.
Sir Whipple shouts, “Careful!”
The Smasher lands again proudly.
Half the stage tilts slightly.
The Smasher says, “Balancing.”
The Smasher tries juggling three metal chairs.
The chairs bend like paper.
The Smasher says, “Too soft.”
A judge in the front row scribbles nervously.
The judge whispers, “Original.”
The Smasher decides to demonstrate precision.
The Smasher balances on one finger.
The entire stage cracks down the middle.
The front half of the stage slides forward gently toward the audience.
The audience slides backward instinctively.
Sid Sneaky peeks out.
Sid says, “Maybe bow now?”
The Smasher nods.
The Smasher bows deeply.
The balcony railing above shakes loose.
The railing falls.
The Smasher catches it midair effortlessly.
The Smasher smiles proudly.
The Smasher says, “Saved it.”
Sir Whipple wipes sweat from his forehead.
Sir Whipple says, “That will suffice.”
The Smasher frowns.
The Smasher says, “Final move.”
The Smasher grips the stage carefully with both hands.
The Smasher lifts the entire stage two inches to demonstrate controlled power.
The audience gasps louder.
The Smasher lowers it again carefully.
The stage lands perfectly flat.
For three seconds nothing breaks.
The Smasher beams.
The audience applauds wildly in shock.
Sir Whipple steps forward cautiously.
Sir Whipple says, “Remarkably intact.”
Suddenly, the backstage wall collapses slowly outward like a falling card.
The Smasher freezes.
The Smasher says softly, “Minor smash.”
Sid Sneaky surveys the damage.
Sid says, “You lifted the foundations.”
The judges stand up.
The lead judge clears his throat.
The judge says, “Unforgettable performance.”
Sir Whipple gulps.
The judge raises a trophy labeled Most Powerful Talent.
The Smasher steps forward gently this time.
The Smasher accepts the trophy carefully between two fingers.
The trophy bends immediately into a spiral.
The Smasher looks concerned.
The Smasher says, “Fragile.”
The audience laughs loudly.
Sir Whipple forces a smile.
Sir Whipple says, “Next year perhaps poetry.”
The Smasher nods thoughtfully.
The Smasher says, “Heavy poetry.”
The curtain, already detached, falls again.
The Smasher catches it once more and holds it up like a cape.
The audience cheers even louder.
Lucy Lark whispers to Sid Sneaky, “He didn’t mean to.”
Sid nods.
Sid says, “He never does.”
The hall now leans slightly to the left.
Sir Whipple looks at the leaning walls nervously.
The Smasher exits through the side door carefully.
The doorframe widens slightly as he passes.
Outside in the playground, The Smasher tests his strength on something safe.
The Smasher squeezes a rubber ball gently.
The ball explodes into confetti.
The Smasher sighs.
The Smasher says, “Gentler.”
Back inside, the judges tally scores amid tilted chairs and cracked boards.
The lead judge announces from the doorway, “First prize — The Smasher!”
The Smasher smiles proudly.
The Smasher raises one arm in victory.
A distant window shatters lightly.
The Smasher lowers his arm quickly.
Sir Whipple examines the hall.
Sir Whipple says, “Repairs immediately.”
Sid Sneaky hands The Smasher a paper certificate instead of a trophy.
The Smasher holds it delicately.
The certificate survives.
The Smasher grins widely.
The playground fence trembles slightly from that grin alone.
Sir Whipple closes his eyes briefly.
The talent show ends in applause and structural concern.
The Smasher studies the certificate carefully.
The Smasher says proudly, “Did not smash everything.”
Behind him, the school sign falls off the wall with a soft thud.
The Smasher looks back slowly.
The Smasher says, “Almost.”
Next year’s stage plans quietly begin with reinforced steel.
Dirty Dick and the Clean-Up Catastrophe
Dirty Dick sits happily in a puddle behind the school, shaping mud into a perfect castle.
Dirty Dick says, “Beautiful.”
A worm pops out of the tower turret.
Dirty Dick nods respectfully.
Miss Spotless marches across the playground holding a clipboard and a bar of soap the size of a brick.
Miss Spotless says, “Inspection Day.”
Children scatter instantly.
Dirty Dick continues sculpting calmly.
Miss Spotless stops in front of him.
Miss Spotless gasps sharply.
Miss Spotless says, “Dick!”
Dirty Dick looks up cheerfully.
Dirty Dick says, “Yes, miss?”
Miss Spotless holds the soap dramatically.
Miss Spotless says, “You will be clean by lunchtime.”
Dirty Dick stands slowly.
Mud drips off him rhythmically.
Butch Briggs whispers from behind a tree, “Good luck.”
Dirty Dick smiles confidently.
Dirty Dick says, “Mud sticks.”
Miss Spotless escorts Dirty Dick toward the washroom.
Every step leaves deep brown footprints.
Inside the washroom, taps gleam threateningly.
A bathtub sits waiting, already filled with bubbly water.
Miss Spotless rolls up her sleeves.
Miss Spotless says, “In.”
Dirty Dick steps into the tub cautiously.
The water instantly turns dark brown.
Miss Spotless scrubs vigorously.
Soap lathers into thick foam.
Dirty Dick disappears completely beneath bubbles.
Miss Spotless says, “Progress.”
The drain gurgles loudly.
The mud blocks the pipe.
The water level rises instead of lowering.
Miss Spotless frowns.
Dirty Dick emerges grinning, now wearing a bubble beard.
Dirty Dick says, “Warm.”
Miss Spotless turns on the shower to rinse him.
The pressure blasts mud off Dirty Dick in every direction.
Mud splatters across mirrors, sinks, and ceiling tiles.
Butch Briggs peeks through the doorway.
Butch says, “Explosion.”
Miss Spotless slips slightly but regains balance.
Miss Spotless says, “Hold still!”
Dirty Dick stands very still.
The mud beneath his feet squelches loudly.
Miss Spotless scrubs harder.
The bar of soap shrinks rapidly.
Dirty Dick’s arms begin to show actual skin.
Miss Spotless smiles triumphantly.
Miss Spotless says, “Nearly there.”
Suddenly, the mud on Dirty Dick’s head dries and cracks.
A thick chunk falls into the tub.
The tub overflows completely.
Brown water floods under the washroom door and into the corridor.
Children scream delightedly.
The corridor becomes a muddy river.
Paper boats appear instantly.
Butch Briggs sails one down the hallway.
Miss Spotless rushes to turn off the taps.
Dirty Dick steps out of the tub carefully.
Dirty Dick slips.
Dirty Dick grabs the shower curtain.
The curtain rail collapses dramatically.
The entire curtain wraps around Miss Spotless like a muddy toga.
Miss Spotless stands frozen.
Dirty Dick says apologetically, “Sorry, miss.”
Miss Spotless removes the curtain slowly.
Miss Spotless points at a stack of towels.
Miss Spotless says, “Dry.”
Dirty Dick grabs a towel.
The towel instantly turns brown.
Miss Spotless hands another.
The second towel turns brown too.
Miss Spotless gasps.
Miss Spotless says, “Impossible.”
The school bell rings loudly.
Children rush past the washroom door, splashing happily through muddy water.
Headmaster Mr. Crisp enters cautiously wearing polished shoes.
Mr. Crisp says, “What is—”
Mr. Crisp steps directly into the mud river.
Mr. Crisp slides elegantly down the corridor.
Dirty Dick watches proudly.
Dirty Dick says, “Slide works.”
Miss Spotless sighs deeply.
Miss Spotless looks at Dirty Dick’s now partially clean face.
A single clean patch shines on his cheek.
Miss Spotless says, “At least something.”
Dirty Dick grins.
The grin cracks the remaining dry mud on his face.
All the loosened mud falls at once onto Miss Spotless’s shoes.
Miss Spotless closes her eyes slowly.
Outside, rain begins falling heavily.
The playground puddles grow instantly larger.
Dirty Dick hears the rain.
Dirty Dick perks up.
Dirty Dick says, “Refill.”
Before Miss Spotless can react, Dirty Dick dashes outside.
Dirty Dick leaps into the biggest puddle with tremendous enthusiasm.
Mud splashes higher than the goalposts.
Butch Briggs cheers.
Miss Spotless stands at the doorway speechless.
Within seconds, Dirty Dick looks exactly as he did that morning — fully coated, perfectly pleased.
Mr. Crisp struggles back to his feet in the corridor.
Mr. Crisp sees the flooded hallway.
Mr. Crisp sees the puddle party outside.
Mr. Crisp removes his glasses carefully.
Mr. Crisp says quietly, “Half-day.”
Children cheer wildly.
Miss Spotless lowers the soap slowly.
Miss Spotless says, “Tomorrow.”
Dirty Dick salutes respectfully.
Dirty Dick says, “Tomorrow.”
Rain pours harder.
The corridor drains slowly out the front doors.
Paper boats float triumphantly into the street.
Miss Spotless watches Dirty Dick build a new mud castle twice as large as before.
Dirty Dick places a worm gently at the top again.
Dirty Dick smiles.
Miss Spotless turns back toward the washroom to begin cleaning.
The soap brick sits tiny and defeated on the sink.
Mr. Crisp squelches past muttering about plumbing.
Dirty Dick pats his muddy masterpiece proudly.
Dirty Dick says, “Better.”
A clap of thunder booms.
More rain fills the playground.
Dirty Dick laughs loudly.
Inspection Day ends in total mud.
Miss Spotless stares at the sky.
Miss Spotless says softly, “Bigger soap.”
Dirty Dick dives into the puddle again.
The clean patch on his cheek disappears forever.
Peace returns — brown and glorious.
Little Plum Outsmarts the Cowboys Again
Little Plum stands outside the sheriff’s office in Oldtown reading a notice nailed crookedly to the wall.
The notice reads: Reward for Capture of Little Plum.
Little Plum grins broadly.
Little Plum says, “Very popular.”
Two cowboys — Slippery Sam and Dusty Duke — peek from behind a water barrel.
Slippery Sam whispers, “Easy reward.”
Dusty Duke nods nervously.
Dusty Duke says, “Tiny target.”
Little Plum walks calmly into the saloon.
Inside, Sheriff Shortfuse gulps nervously at the bar.
Sheriff Shortfuse says, “He’s slippery.”
Little Plum climbs onto a barstool beside the sheriff.
Little Plum says politely, “Good morning.”
Sheriff Shortfuse jumps three feet into the air.
Sheriff Shortfuse says, “Guards!”
Slippery Sam and Dusty Duke burst through the swinging doors dramatically.
Little Plum sips a lemonade calmly.
Slippery Sam lunges.
Little Plum steps aside casually.
Slippery Sam crashes into Dusty Duke.
Both tumble into a card table.
Cards explode everywhere.
Little Plum says, “Clumsy.”
Sheriff Shortfuse attempts to grab Little Plum from behind.
Little Plum ducks.
Sheriff Shortfuse grabs a coat rack instead.
The coat rack tips over, covering the sheriff in hats.
Little Plum strolls toward the piano.
Dusty Duke charges again.
Little Plum presses one piano key sharply.
The piano collapses inward, revealing a hidden trapdoor beneath.
Dusty Duke falls through instantly.
A loud splash echoes from below.
Little Plum says, “Basement bath.”
Slippery Sam snarls and pulls out a lasso.
Slippery Sam twirls it expertly.
Little Plum watches carefully.
Little Plum says, “Nice rope.”
The lasso flies.
Little Plum leaps lightly.
The rope loops perfectly around Sheriff Shortfuse instead.
Sheriff Shortfuse spins helplessly like a top.
Little Plum claps once.
Little Plum says, “Skillful.”
Slippery Sam pulls harder.
Sheriff Shortfuse crashes through the saloon doors and lands face-first in the horse trough.
Dusty Duke climbs back up through the trapdoor dripping wet.
Dusty Duke says, “No more tricks!”
Little Plum nods sincerely.
Little Plum says, “No tricks.”
Little Plum walks slowly out into the street.
Slippery Sam and Dusty Duke creep behind him quietly.
Little Plum stops at the general store window.
Little Plum stares at a mirror inside.
Little Plum says softly, “Now.”
Suddenly, three identical Little Plums appear — reflections arranged cleverly by angled mirrors inside the shop display.
Slippery Sam gasps.
Dusty Duke says, “Which one?”
The three Little Plums wave simultaneously.
Slippery Sam dives at the left one.
Dusty Duke dives at the right.
Both crash into the window.
Glass shatters harmlessly outward.
The real Little Plum stands calmly behind them holding a bucket of feathers.
Little Plum dumps the feathers gently over both cowboys.
Feathers stick perfectly to wet clothes.
Little Plum says, “Decoration.”
Sheriff Shortfuse emerges from the trough sputtering.
Sheriff Shortfuse sees two feather-covered cowboys tangled in broken display wood.
Sheriff Shortfuse sighs.
Sheriff Shortfuse says, “Arrest yourselves.”
Little Plum strolls toward the edge of town whistling.
Slippery Sam shakes feathers angrily.
Slippery Sam says, “After him!”
Dusty Duke charges one final time.
Little Plum pauses near a cactus patch.
Little Plum taps the ground lightly with his foot.
A hidden seesaw plank flips upward.
Dusty Duke launches clean over the cactus patch and lands in a hay cart.
Slippery Sam skids to a stop just in time.
Slippery Sam narrows his eyes.
Slippery Sam says, “Enough running!”
Little Plum nods calmly.
Little Plum says, “Enough.”
Little Plum pulls out a tiny mirror from his pocket.
Little Plum tilts it upward.
The bright desert sun reflects directly into Slippery Sam’s eyes.
Slippery Sam stumbles backward blindly.
Slippery Sam falls straight into the cactus patch anyway.
Sheriff Shortfuse arrives slowly, still dripping.
Sheriff Shortfuse surveys the scene.
Dusty Duke struggles inside the hay cart.
Slippery Sam untangles himself from cactus spines.
Sheriff Shortfuse sighs deeply.
Sheriff Shortfuse says, “Jail.”
Little Plum dusts off his hands.
Little Plum says cheerfully, “Reward?”
Sheriff Shortfuse blinks.
Sheriff Shortfuse says, “For what?”
Little Plum gestures broadly at the captured cowboys.
Little Plum says, “Cleaning streets.”
Sheriff Shortfuse considers briefly.
Sheriff Shortfuse hands Little Plum a small coin reluctantly.
Little Plum flips the coin in the air and catches it neatly.
Little Plum says, “Pleasure.”
Little Plum walks toward the horizon.
Behind him, Slippery Sam and Dusty Duke are marched toward the jail.
Sheriff Shortfuse mutters under his breath.
Sheriff Shortfuse says, “One day.”
Little Plum pauses at the edge of town and glances back.
Little Plum notices a new poster already being nailed up.
The poster reads: Double Reward for Little Plum.
Little Plum grins wider.
Little Plum says, “Promotion.”
Little Plum disappears behind a rock formation.
Sheriff Shortfuse wipes sweat from his brow.
Inside the jail, Slippery Sam and Dusty Duke glare at each other.
Dusty Duke says, “Next time.”
Outside in the desert, Little Plum sets up a small sign beside the road.
The sign reads: Reward Advice — One Coin.
A traveling outlaw rides past curiously.
Little Plum smiles knowingly.
Oldtown remains exactly as chaotic as before.
The reward increases.
Little Plum waits patiently.
Business looks promising.
The Jocks and the Impossible Training Plan
Big Jock McHaggis stands in the middle of the football pitch glaring at a scoreboard that reads: The Jocks 0 – The Geordies 5.
Wee Jock McNugget kicks the turf angrily.
Wee Jock McNugget says, “Robbery.”
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Training.”
The rest of The Jocks groan in unison.
Across the field, The Geordies captain waves cheerfully.
The Geordies Captain shouts, “Practice harder!”
Big Jock McHaggis folds his arms.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “We train now.”
The Jocks line up.
Big Jock McHaggis places a football at their feet.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Speed drill.”
Wee Jock McNugget sprints forward.
He trips immediately over a stray water bottle.
The entire line of Jocks pile up behind him.
Big Jock McHaggis sighs deeply.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Strength drill.”
Big Jock McHaggis lifts the goalpost easily and carries it ten steps.
The Jocks stare.
Wee Jock McNugget attempts to lift one corner of the goalpost.
The goalpost does not move.
Wee Jock McNugget says, “Heavy.”
The Geordies Captain watches from a distance laughing.
Big Jock McHaggis spots the laughter.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “New plan.”
Big Jock McHaggis drags a massive tractor tyre onto the pitch.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Push.”
The Jocks push together.
The tyre rolls backward over them instead.
The Jocks flatten briefly and pop back up.
Wee Jock McNugget says, “Reverse success.”
Big Jock McHaggis rubs his chin thoughtfully.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Brain drill.”
The Jocks freeze.
One Jock whispers, “Dangerous.”
Big Jock McHaggis draws complicated arrows on a chalkboard propped against the dugout.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Strategy.”
The chalkboard collapses under the weight of arrows.
The Geordies Captain strolls closer mockingly.
The Geordies Captain says, “Need help?”
Wee Jock McNugget kicks a football at the Captain.
The Captain ducks easily.
The ball smashes into a stack of cones and launches them skyward.
Big Jock McHaggis suddenly grins.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Use chaos.”
The Jocks blink.
Big Jock McHaggis places cones randomly across the pitch.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Unpredictable movement.”
The Jocks begin running between cones wildly.
They bump into each other constantly.
Wee Jock McNugget zigzags so sharply he spins in circles.
The Geordies Captain laughs louder.
Big Jock McHaggis watches carefully.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Good.”
The Jocks now move erratically but faster.
Big Jock McHaggis rolls multiple footballs onto the pitch at once.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Choose any.”
The Jocks chase different balls simultaneously.
They collide again.
The balls ricochet unpredictably off shins and heads.
One ball rebounds perfectly into the goal.
Wee Jock McNugget gasps.
Wee Jock McNugget says, “Accidental genius.”
Big Jock McHaggis nods.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Chaos scores.”
The Geordies Captain frowns slightly.
Match day arrives quickly.
The Jocks line up opposite The Geordies again.
The Geordies Captain smirks confidently.
The whistle blows.
The Geordies pass smoothly and precisely.
The Jocks charge wildly in unpredictable directions.
The Geordies hesitate.
A Jock trips, but the ball ricochets off his back.
Another Jock collides with a teammate, deflecting the ball sideways.
Wee Jock McNugget swings his leg randomly.
The ball rebounds off a Geordie defender’s knee.
The ball arcs high into the air.
Big Jock McHaggis shouts, “Chaos!”
All Jocks sprint at once in different directions.
The Geordies scatter in confusion.
The ball lands untouched and rolls straight into the net.
Goal.
The Geordies Captain blinks in disbelief.
Play resumes.
The Jocks continue unpredictable movement.
One Jock slides accidentally, taking the ball with him.
Another trips over him but pushes the ball further.
Wee Jock McNugget tumbles and headbutts the ball unintentionally.
Second goal.
The crowd roars.
Big Jock McHaggis pumps his fist.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Perfect disorder.”
The Geordies attempt tighter formation.
The tighter they stand, the more confused they become when Jocks run randomly through them.
A final chaotic scramble erupts in front of the goal.
Four Jocks fall simultaneously.
The ball pops free from beneath them and rolls gently across the line.
Final whistle blows.
Scoreboard reads: The Jocks 3 – The Geordies 5.
The Geordies Captain relaxes.
Then the referee points to the board again.
Two earlier Geordie goals have been disallowed due to offside confusion caused by Jock collisions.
Scoreboard flips to: The Jocks 3 – The Geordies 3.
Wee Jock McNugget cheers loudly.
Big Jock McHaggis folds his arms proudly.
The Geordies Captain stares at the messy pitch.
The referee announces extra time.
The Jocks grin collectively.
Big Jock McHaggis whispers, “Maximum chaos.”
Extra time begins.
The Jocks move like a storm of elbows and boots.
The Geordies cannot predict a single movement.
A loose ball bounces off three Jocks, one referee shoe, and the corner flag.
Wee Jock McNugget trips forward and accidentally kicks it mid-fall.
The ball rockets into the top corner.
Silence.
Then eruption.
Final whistle.
The Jocks win.
Big Jock McHaggis lifts Wee Jock McNugget onto his shoulders.
The Geordies Captain removes his cap in stunned respect.
The Geordies Captain says, “Madness.”
Big Jock McHaggis nods.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Method.”
Back at training the next day, The Jocks set up even more cones, tyres, and random obstacles.
Wee Jock McNugget says, “Organised chaos.”
Big Jock McHaggis smiles proudly.
Across the fence, The Geordies Captain watches nervously.
The Jocks collide, tumble, rebound, and score again in practice.
The pitch looks like a battlefield.
Big Jock McHaggis raises a whistle.
Big Jock McHaggis says, “Keep confusing.”
The Jocks cheer.
The Geordies Captain backs away slowly.
The next match already feels unpredictable.
The cones scatter in the wind.
The Jocks charge forward anyway.
Order never returns.
Victory sometimes does.
Roger the Dodger Dodges Detention
Roger the Dodger sits at his desk staring at a note that reads: Detention — 4:00 PM — Miss Strict.
Roger the Dodger sighs dramatically.
Roger the Dodger says, “Unacceptable.”
Nasty Nigel leans over from the next desk.
Nasty Nigel says, “You’re trapped.”
Roger the Dodger smiles slowly.
Roger the Dodger says, “Observe.”
Miss Strict stands at the front of the classroom like a statue carved from discipline.
Miss Strict says, “No excuses, Roger.”
Roger nods politely.
Roger says, “Certainly, Miss.”
The clock ticks loudly.
School ends.
Students rush out joyfully.
Roger remains seated calmly.
Miss Strict gestures toward the detention room.
Miss Strict says, “Inside.”
Roger walks in obediently.
The detention room contains one desk, one chair, and one large clock.
Miss Strict says, “One hour.”
Miss Strict locks the door from the outside.
Roger sits quietly.
Roger taps his chin thoughtfully.
Roger pulls out a small mirror from his pocket.
Roger angles it toward the hallway window.
Roger spots the caretaker, Mr. Mopps, pushing a trolley of cleaning supplies.
Roger knocks lightly on the glass.
Mr. Mopps looks up.
Roger mouths exaggeratedly, “Flood.”
Mr. Mopps panics instantly.
Mr. Mopps rushes off toward the toilets.
Roger grins.
Roger removes his shoelaces carefully.
Roger ties them together into a long string.
Roger loops the string through the metal bars of the window.
Roger pulls gently.
The window latch clicks open.
Roger slips outside quietly and closes the window behind him.
Miss Strict walks past moments later with a cup of tea.
Miss Strict peeks through the detention window.
The desk appears occupied.
Roger’s blazer sits draped over the chair cleverly stuffed with books.
Miss Strict nods approvingly.
Miss Strict says, “Reflecting.”
Outside, Roger jogs toward the sports field.
Roger bumps into Headmaster Mr. Hardline unexpectedly.
Mr. Hardline narrows his eyes.
Mr. Hardline says, “Shouldn’t you be in detention?”
Roger freezes for exactly one second.
Roger points urgently toward the science block.
Roger says, “Experiment overflow.”
Mr. Hardline gasps.
Mr. Hardline runs toward the science block instantly.
Roger changes direction casually.
Roger spots Nasty Nigel waiting near the gate.
Nasty Nigel says, “Escaped?”
Roger straightens his tie.
Roger says, “Scheduled absence.”
The school bell rings faintly for after-school clubs.
Miss Strict re-enters the detention room.
Miss Strict notices the blazer appears slightly deflated.
Miss Strict steps closer.
Miss Strict lifts the blazer.
Miss Strict sees a stack of geography textbooks underneath.
Miss Strict gasps sharply.
Miss Strict says, “Roger!”
Roger, meanwhile, stands at the sweet shop across the street buying crisps.
Roger hears distant shouting.
Roger checks his watch.
Roger says, “Forty-five minutes.”
Back at school, Miss Strict storms down corridors.
Miss Strict interrogates Mr. Mopps.
Mr. Mopps says, “Flood?”
Miss Strict clenches her jaw.
Miss Strict says, “Dodger.”
Roger strolls back toward school calmly five minutes before detention officially ends.
Roger dusts crumbs from his blazer.
Roger slips back through the same window.
Roger reties his shoelaces quickly.
Roger sits at the desk properly this time.
Roger folds his hands and stares thoughtfully at the wall.
Miss Strict unlocks the door exactly at 5:00 PM.
Miss Strict steps inside briskly.
Miss Strict sees Roger sitting quietly.
Miss Strict frowns suspiciously.
Miss Strict says, “Have you learned your lesson?”
Roger nods sincerely.
Roger says, “Absolutely.”
Miss Strict narrows her eyes further.
Miss Strict says, “What lesson?”
Roger pauses carefully.
Roger says, “Preparation is essential.”
Miss Strict hesitates.
Miss Strict says, “Very well.”
Miss Strict gestures toward the door.
Roger stands politely.
Roger walks out calmly.
In the corridor, Mr. Hardline confronts Roger again.
Mr. Hardline says, “Where were you earlier?”
Roger points toward the detention room.
Roger says, “Reflecting.”
Miss Strict steps out behind him.
Miss Strict nods firmly.
Miss Strict says, “He remained the entire hour.”
Mr. Hardline blinks in confusion.
Roger smiles faintly.
Nasty Nigel watches from the staircase open-mouthed.
Roger walks toward the exit.
Miss Strict glances back into the detention room.
Miss Strict spots a faint muddy footprint near the window.
Miss Strict squints thoughtfully.
Outside, Roger reaches the school gates.
Roger stops suddenly.
Roger checks his pockets.
Roger says, “Crisps.”
Roger turns around calmly.
Roger re-enters the school unnoticed while Miss Strict inspects the muddy footprint.
Roger retrieves the forgotten crisp packet from under the detention desk.
Roger slips back out again.
Miss Strict straightens up slowly.
Miss Strict says quietly, “Tomorrow.”
Roger hears the word faintly through the open window.
Roger grins confidently.
Roger says, “Already planned.”
Roger tosses the empty crisp packet into a bin with perfect aim.
The school clock ticks onward.
Miss Strict posts a new note outside her classroom: Detention — Roger the Dodger — Tomorrow.
Roger reads it from the gate.
Roger smiles wider.
Roger says, “Double session.”
Roger walks home whistling cheerfully.
Behind him, Miss Strict closes the blinds carefully.
Mr. Hardline scratches his head in confusion.
Nasty Nigel shakes his head in disbelief.
Roger turns the corner and disappears from sight.
The shoelaces swing slightly in rhythm with his steps.
Tomorrow’s plan begins forming already.